Blank?

BLANK?

Hmm, am I tired or something? I haven't felt this blank for quite a while. I don't even remember when was the last time I felt like this.

I don't have as much emotion as I used to. My brain is not as constantly hard-pressed as it used to be.

Am I happy? Oddly, yes.

Are things fine? Far from it! Lots of things are wrong with me, and wrong in the church.

I've voluntarily underwent a change in my "strategy"; in the past, these observations would drive me to think that I must do something! How can I ignore these things? But really, now I realize that I was always trying to skip the step that matters: waiting upon the Lord.

Waiting? Am I suggesting that God intends to waste some of my time before helping me? No, but that I must not make a move until I'm sure of what He wants me to do. I must root my decisions in the Word, instead of resorting to some hastily thought-out plans like I used to.

Of course, I still panic at times and make some attempts to "run ahead of God", but at least I'm made aware of this.

Nowadays my attempted focus is my faithfulness toward the small things I believe are entrusted to me. Just shut up and do my little jobs first, God's kingdom will not fail without me in the front line. All this while, believing that "it's okay, God is in control, He shall succeed". It's really going to be all right. He really is going to be glorified.

I'm glad that I really could stop taking matters into my own hands. Truly, it's better to stay silent than speak unwise words. In my silent listening, I come before God for answers and discernment. The burden is mine no more.

Blank? Calm, probably.

Completely? Of course not, but getting closer.