Reverence; Heading to NS

REVERENCE

"Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire."
(Hebrews 12:28-29)

The final phrase of this passage, "for our God is a consuming fire", is a quotation from Deuteronomy 4:24, which also mentions that God is "a jealous God". God's jealousy must be understood in the context of His holiness; in the Old Testament, He is specifically presented as jealous for those who are called His holy people, set apart for Him. Thus, in the passage we see that one of the reasons given for worshiping God with reverence and awe is because of His holiness.

We live in a postmodern age. Who claims to have authority? He is arrogant. What is authority anyway? Perhaps there is no such thing after all. And as a result of all this, our generation is clearly ignorant of what it means to fear, respect, and revere. We find it uncomfortable to ever be serious and sober. And that is sad, because we are completely wasting something that God had put in us: the ability to enjoy the holy, and to "rejoice with trembling" (Psalm 2:11). We are hindered only by our immense pride.

I finished reading R.C. Sproul's classic The Holiness of God more than a week ago. The book explored the theme of God's holiness, and it reminded me of how important it is to be reverent, to love God's holy lordship. I realized that I cared very little for being fearful and serious before God. The modern evangelical "Jesus is my buddy" sentiment has deeply influenced me.

And perhaps teaching at the home school center is starting to make me realize how important it is to respect authority, not merely for authority's own sake, but even for the benefit of those who respect it. Because when one chooses to disrespect authority, he ultimately does it to his own harm. For example, when the students at the home school center fail to respect me as a teacher, the result is not that I lose anything, but that they themselves fail to acquire the knowledge I'm trying to impart, because they resist me.

But perhaps one of the challenges to having such a godly fear is the difficulty in distinguishing filial fear from servile fear. The way I see it is that the latter refers to a fear that considers its object as malevolent (evil-intentioned), while the former sees its object as benevolent (having goodwill). A servile fear does not see God as good and kind, but is afraid to cross Him because it sees God as a cruel and powerful tyrant. A filial fear, however, is afraid to sin against God precisely because it sees Him as good and kind and displeased with sin, and having the authority to punish sin. The key, I think, is that filial fear has an admiration for God's moral excellence, while servile fear simply fears pain.

In theory, it's quite clear, but in practice things can get a little fuzzy. Sometimes, in an effort to rid myself of servile fear, I get rid of filial fear altogether, throwing out the baby with the bathwater. Sometimes, in trying to bring myself to fear God, I end up with a self-centered servile fear instead of a God-centered filial fear.

Yet I continue to strive. I need to grow in this reverence, in order to keep my life's focus on the Creator, not on creation. Reverence is important for repenting of sinful lifestyles, important for personal maturity, important for becoming a true man of God.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge;
    fools despise wisdom and instruction." 
(Proverbs 1:7)

How very true these words are, how very true!


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REPORT OF AUGUST 12

I've been trying to learn how to pray. I've never really paid attention to my prayer life, but when I started to do so, I realized how difficult it is to pray sincerely and constantly. Still, I thank God for reminding me of a means of grace that I used to ignore quite a lot.

Living in a personalistic universe means that God is constantly revealing Himself to me through everything. And since prayer is obediently responding to God's revelation, the appropriate response to constant revelation is constant prayer. And the reason I don't pray is because I'm not aware that God is revealing Himself, because I've forgotten that the universe isn't impersonalistic, because I've been lured by my sins to stop depending on God.

I need to repent of that. Always need God, always give thanks, always cast my cares. I must learn this because it honors God.

Recently I've also been pursuing further studies and stuff. I've went to a couple of good Christian camps. I've been helping out at the home school center. I've been reading books. But most of all, I've been thinking.

I've been thinking about everything. Seriously. I've been trying to find a coherent and sturdy system of thought that can organize all the things I know and still leave room for the things I don't know. My head had been seriously messed up since the Taiwan visit. I'm trying to center everything on the Gospel. And it's hard. But thank God for Cornelius Van Til, he's been a great help in all this organizing, though it currently seems far from complete.

Perhaps the greatest question I struggled with for these few months was "how to live". But I've gotten past that after listening to Dr. David Peterson at the TTC camp. Now the real question is "where does my confidence lie?", or perhaps more directly, "how do I put my confidence in God?"

This post might seem really disorganized, but I'm just trying to quickly jot down whatever I can remember from these few months before I leave for National Service. Yep, I'm heading for National Service for three months. I'm leaving on August 17, five days from now. So I don't really have much time to write properly.

It's going to be good training. I hate crowds. I fear men. But now I have to learn to persevere in my reverence for God as I come into contact with the world. I must learn to fear no one but God.

I'm not sure what to say about all this, all that had happened. What can I say? God is good and I am foolish. I am faithless but He continues to guide me.

There are so many great details of the past few months that I could write about, especially the two camps, but it really is too much time and effort. It's 1:30 in the morning. I'm busy, too. I suppose that everything I've learned these few months can only be shared in my future posts, without reference to when and how I've learned them. But that's not a bad thing either.

All glory be to Him, the most trustworthy Person in and beyond the universe.