Living With Sin

LIVING WITH SIN

How do You expect me to live with my sin?

That was my complaint against God one day, when I was convicted of sins that are so deep in my heart that I knew I could not simply get rid of by summoning them away.

I finally came face to face with the fact that as long as I'm alive, I have sin, real sin.

I despaired. I felt helpless. I have to face such ugliness and atrocity in me, every day of my life. And they're real sins. They really are sins against an infinitely glorious, good, loving, and wrathful God. And I will sin against Him until I die.

How do You expect me to live with my sin?

The answer I received in my heart brought a surge of peace and determination.

Put it to death everyday.

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.
(Colossians 3:5)

I came to a new perspective. Every time I am convicted of sin, it no longer becomes a time of despair, but an opportunity to deal with it, and be even more cleansed.

What's even more uplifting is that I recognize the impossibility of such a task. It is impossible for me myself to kill sin, because I am not the source of holiness. Only by the Holy Spirit, can I be sanctified. And the Holy Spirit works out salvation in men by the Word of God.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
(Romans 12:2)

And it is with this that I see even more of God's amazing grace. In all I do, I sin, even in my good works, my prayers, my service in the church. And the only reason God accepts us and our service is simply because we are in Christ, and our "sacrifices" are made clean.

I have nothing to boast of myself, but only have the right to boast of Christ.

But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.
(Galatians 6:14) 

Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure,
Gives unto each day what He deems best,
Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Liquid Fire

LIQUID FIRE IN MY VEINS

What a road I am on.

My heart is so full I can't even sleep.

I'm so excited about everything God is teaching me in these few weeks. My mind keeps exploring the vastness of God's glory in everything, everything, everything. Continuous extrapolating and negating, generalizing and particularizing, keeps my mind busy, busy, busy, and restless. Everything is void without God, and God is the Creator of all things.

And I also feel so free, because for now, I can find no complaint in my heart against God. Of course, I know that as long as I have sin in me, there will be complaints, but as God has not revealed more to me yet, for now I merely rejoice in this wondrous grace.

Astounding. The 16-year-old me, as he was struggling to find joy in God's glory, could not imagine what an incredible state of heart it is, and doubted whether such joy is for a person of his kind. Today, God reveals to me how much He has opened my eyes, and it is astounding. What grace, what amazing grace.

I deserve nothing. I earn nothing. My God, why?

My blood burns. The debt I owe, I owe eternally. I am forever His, and I must suffer greatly to exclaim His ultimate worthiness. He is worthy!

My blood is aflame in my veins!

Soldier of Christ, charge and die!

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.
(Philippians 1:21)

Growing in Love; The Sin of Fantasy

GROWING IN LOVE

Something by John Piper caught my attention. It is an excerpt from this post:
http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/letter-to-an-incomplete-insecure-teenager

I think the key for me was finding help in the Apostle Paul and C. S. Lewis and my father, all of whom seemed incredibly healthy, precisely because they were so absolutely amazed at everything but themselves.

They showed me that the highest mental health is not liking myself but being joyfully interested in everything but myself. They were the type of people who were so amazed that people had noses—not strange noses, just noses—that walking down any busy street was like a trip to the zoo. O yes, they themselves had noses, but they couldn’t see their own. And why would they want to? Look at all these noses they are free to look at! Amazing.

The capacity of these men for amazement was huge. I marveled and I prayed that I would stop wasting so much time and so much emotional energy thinking about myself. Yuk, I thought. What am I doing? Why should I care what people think about me. I am loved by God Almighty and he is making a bona fide high-hopping frog out of me.

I have long recognized that I need to love God and people sincerely. I didn't know how, though.

And perhaps it's also that my idea of love has been influenced by our individualistic modern culture, such that at times I would find "love" and truth at opposite corners of the ring.

God has helped me to make some sense of it. Because of that post, Sunday school, and other things I've heard elsewhere, I could hold on more firmly onto the fact that love, like everything else, is centered upon God's glory, upon who God is. God is love.

God is love because even before the foundation of the world, the three persons of the Godhead loved each other for their perfection. All that He is, is good. And this goodness is infinite, rich, and inexhaustible, such that we can learn about Him for all eternity. He is the best we can have, and in bringing to us the truth of who He is, He shows His love for us, because He gives us the best.

I can love people in the same way. I show them God's glory and worth.

But before that, I must learn to do that myself. I must deal with my pride, because pride causes a person to think he makes better decisions than God, and thus be better than God. He will be so immersed in how good he is that he will be blind to God's immense glory shining in all of creation and in mankind.

No, I don't want to be that. I want to be the person who sees the better show, the one who looks away from himself and sees God's work everywhere. Of course, that includes himself, but then the focus is not on him but on God.

In my striving for this, I strive also to the benefit of those around me, because gradually I will be conformed to the image of Christ, and by my words and my actions they will learn of the truths of who God is.

In my striving to grow in my knowledge of God, I strive to grow in love.


* * * * *

SIN IS BELIEF IN FANTASY

Every sin is an acceptance of deception.

And every sin includes this lie: that life can be beautiful without God.

The very nature of lies is that they feel real, and one will not be able to see their falsity until reality sets in.

I have been delivered from the worse depths of fantasy, by God's grace. I remember that in the process, my heart questioned the value of reality. Why can't I stay longer in fantasy if it makes me feel better than reality does?

And so we come upon the topic of epistemology ("how I know what I know"). When we reject God as being the ultimate judge of what is truth, all we have left are our feelings and thoughts. And it is a bad foundation, as illustrated in the continuous failures of mankind across history. We cannot discern true from false because we have rejected the source of truth. At this point, we can only believe in what feels right. And we are often proven wrong.

The remedy is simple: believe in what God says, because what He says is real.

If you do not do what He says, you will be proven wrong in your beliefs. Thus is the value of reality over fantasy: reality kills fantasy.

Life cannot be truly beautiful without God. You will believe it sooner or later because it's true.

Why God Wants Us to Ask From Him

I gave myself a week of silence.

I am always so quick to apply truths that I've learned to other people first, before seriously examining myself. And I found this to be a problem, so I stopped myself from posting here for a week.

The one who is more godly is not the one who needs less struggle against sin than the ungodly; he is the one who struggles the hardest and acts most radically.


* * * * *

PETITION TO THE GLORY OF GOD

God's purpose in all He does is to let His glory shine.

How does prayer meet that end?

We know that prayer may include giving thanks and praise. That's fairly obvious, of course, as to how it gives glory to God. What then, about the command for petition?

A common question: why do we need to pray for things to happen if what's going to happen is going to happen anyway? We know that to pray for God to do something is not to make Him do something that He wasn't going to do in the first place. It's not to bend the hand of God.

And yet, we are told:

You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.
(James 4:2)

So God withholds some things from us simply because we don't ask for it. Why? Is it because God hasn't considered what we want/need until we ask Him directly?

No, this has more to do with us.

God wants us to ask from Him so that when we receive His blessing, we know that it's from Him. Men are prideful and ungrateful creatures, and naturally take God for granted.

God wants us to depend wholly on Him, so that when we receive anything, we would not give credit to our own ability or even our good fortune. And a way that He lets us depend on Him is through petition in prayer. We are pushed to the limits of our human abilities, and we find that we are helpless unless God helps us. We ask, He gives us, and we recognize that it is He who gives.

Glory be to the Father in heaven whom we pray to, who hears us.

Pray then like this:

“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
    but deliver us from evil.
For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory, 
    forever. 
Amen.
(Matthew 6:9-13)

Tired; Letting Go

TIRED

Hide me now,
Under Your wings. 
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand.

Find rest my soul,
In Christ alone.
Know His pow'r
In quietness and trust.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with You above the storm.
Father, You are King over the flood.
I will be still and know You are God.


* * * * *

LETTING GO

What does it mean to be a Christian?

In a way, it means letting go of everything you once loved, things and people that you held dear to your heart.

It means taking a leap of faith and forsaking the things you once thought you couldn't possibly live without. And you don't even take the time to say goodbye. You must leave those things unceremoniously without a backward glance.

It means trying to see an invisible God as greater than the things you can see.

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.
(Matthew 16:24)

We try to find a way around this. We try to find a more moderate way to live the Christian life, where there are some things that we are allowed to retain in our hearts.

But it just doesn't work that way. To God, it's all or nothing. You can't serve two masters.

And I realized that there are some things that God brings into your life simply to teach you to let it go. And so you must.

The Phoenix

THE PHOENIX

In the cold pile of ashes, a faint orange glow grows in intensity. Barely noticeable at first, it gradually becomes brighter and begins to spread, slowly but surely.

Just when you wonder if it's the breeze that's causing it to glow for a while, a small flame erupts.

Here I come.

I feel the night lifting and a new dawn ready to break.

I see nothing in my way; the skies are clear. This phoenix is ready to stretch its wings and soar.

For certain, troubles await me in the clouds. That is promised me. But nevertheless I will take flight, for I am also promised victory.

I said I would set the city on fire, didn't I? To what degree my success will be is in God's hands, but for sure, I will do something.

Here I come. 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
(2 Corinthians 5:17)

God Moves in a Mysterious Way; Solitude

GOD MOVES IN A MYSTERIOUS WAY
God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea,
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never-failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs,
And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy, and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err,
And scan his work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain. 


* * * * *

ALONE AND WRESTLING WITH GOD

The same night he arose and took his two wives, his two female servants, and his eleven children, and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. He took them and sent them across the stream, and everything else that he had. And Jacob was left alone.
(Genesis 32:22-24a) 

Man tends to take God's gifts and make them into idols. Thus, sometimes, by God's grace, these are taken away, and you are left without distraction.

You come before God alone and empty-handed.

And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day.
(Genesis 32:24b) 

You wrestle Him in the darkness, wondering when it would end, when you would see the light.

When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob's hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him.
(Genesis 32:25)

In the darkness, God breaks you.

Then he said, “Let me go, for the day has broken.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
(Genesis 32:26) 

In the wake of such pain, you consider giving up. But of course, it's no real consideration. Let you go? Not so easily. I will not let you go unless you bless me.

Never, ever will I let you go. Never.

Jacob walked away from the fight limping. Having previously depended on his wits and strength, his natural powers were crippled. Every step he would take from then on would remind him of his reliance upon God's divine grace.

But he got what he wanted, didn't he? He received the blessing.

And there he blessed him. So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel, saying, “For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered.”
(Genesis 32:29b-30)

Yes, the darkness had passed. The night is gone. And you walk into the morning as a new person, a person strengthened, not in physical or mental strength, but having the blessing of the Almighty God.

And that's more than enough.

I can't help but think that he came out of that, limping but smiling.

The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip.
(Genesis 32:31)

Victorious.

Dead to Self; Speaking Truth

DEAD TO SELF

Today, I attended the ordination service of a pastor.

A sermon was delivered by the ex-headmaster of the Bible seminary from which the pastor graduated.

The sermon dealt with God's calling for pastors, as well as for all Christians who are bought by the blood of Christ.

There was something he said that I found quite uplifting. I can't quote it word for word, but it was something like this:

There was a missionary, and he was going to preach in a dangerous place.

His church members warned him against it and tried to convince him not to go, saying, "You might die there!"

The missionary's reply was: 

"I'm already dead."

What a great reply.

We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.
(Romans 6:6-8) 


* * * * *

NOT PEACE, BUT A SWORD

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
(Matthew 10:34-39)

Whose words are these? These are the words of Jesus.

Why is this so? Because the Gospel is controversial. As Paul Washer put it, the Gospel is a scandal to the world. It is so extreme and so intense that the response it incites reciprocates that intensity.

This is my struggle. When I think about speaking the truth to people, I don't want to consider the possibility that no matter how hard I try, some of these people simply will recoil and despise this truth.

Perhaps this is part of my unwillingness to suffer humiliation. I want what I have to say to be accepted by all. And I'm scared that if, in the end, some people do grow even more hard-hearted by what I say, then it's actually my fault that I didn't say it well enough.

This too, is faithlessness. I rely not on the work of the Holy Spirit, but human skill.

And because of this faithlessness, I actually consider the idea that I can be well-prepared enough to cause every single person around me to accept God. But that's not the case. This is not in my hands.

The verse that brought this to my attention:
“Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets.
(Luke 6:26)

Being Small

THE CONTENTMENT OF BEING SMALL

At times, I have to endure my Bible readings. Sometimes I just don't see much for my soul to feast upon. And I'm not even sure what I'm looking for, just holding on to the promise that God's Word changes hearts. And sometimes I even see things that cause some doubt to arise in me, doubts regarding God's character.

However, getting past these doubts produced, finally, some fruits of my Bible reading.

I think that even for a person who does not know the Bible's theme of salvation in Christ, reading it can at least give him the sense that "God is Lord of all, and we are small." This is a message that wordlessly and strongly got across to me in my Bible readings. After a while of reading about God working His plan on earth, as one generation dies and another is born, it greatly convinces me that, simply, God works!

The root of sin is man trying to be God. He thinks he's big enough, good enough, that he can obtain for himself what he needs, and not be given it. And such a mindset also includes the attitude that God is not doing much, perhaps even abandoned us.

Yet when we look into the night sky and see a multitude of stars, and consider their actual size, how small is our earth! And how small are we in the earth! I am but one person among billions. How do I expect to change the world?

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
    the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
    and the son of man that you care for him?
(Psalm 8:3-4) 

It is very easy for a person to have the notion of becoming a great influence upon the world. This notion can become an unnecessary and sinful burden, even in Christians. But of course, what else can a person put his trust in if he doesn't trust God?

Yet I have a God whom I can trust in. He is the God of Abraham, of Isaac, of Jacob, of Israel, of the world. He is in control. And we are but tiny little tools, like the characters in the Bible.

To be great is not my burden to carry. It's God's. I must rid myself of the notion that the people around me need me. Nay, even the Word of God declares that "...God is able from these stones to raise up children for Abraham." (Matthew 3:9)

He shall succeed, and I shall simply find for myself a good seat to admire His success.

And just as the night is for sleeping, so are dark seasons in a Christian's walk with God intended for resting and being still before Him. I suppose that it's currently my lesson to learn that I must not put on myself burdens of faithlessness that God did not give me to carry. It's time to let go for a while and just keep the vital functions running, until my energy is regained and I wake up for a brand new day.

I am reminded of a hymn I used to sing in children's Sunday school:
My God is so big, so strong and so mighty
There's nothing my God cannot do.
The mountains are His, the rivers are His,
The stars are His handiwork too.
My God is so big, so strong and so mighty
There's nothing my God cannot do
For you!

I also remember God's challenge to Job: 
“Can you draw out Leviathan with a fishhook
    or press down his tongue with a cord?
Can you put a rope in his nose
    or pierce his jaw with a hook?
Will he make many pleas to you?
    Will he speak to you soft words?
Will he make a covenant with you
    to take him for your servant forever?
Will you play with him as with a bird,
    or will you put him on a leash for your girls?
Will traders bargain over him?
    Will they divide him up among the merchants?
Can you fill his skin with harpoons
    or his head with fishing spears?
Lay your hands on him;
    remember the battle—you will not do it again!
Behold, the hope of a man is false;
    he is laid low even at the sight of him.
No one is so fierce that he dares to stir him up. 
    Who then is he who can stand before me?
Who has first given to me, that I should repay him?
    Whatever is under the whole heaven is mine.
(Job 41:1-11)

The Gospel

MY ATTEMPT AT A BRIEF EXPLANATION OF THE GOSPEL

Before anything else existed, the Triune God existed. The Triune God is three persons, revealed to us in the Bible as the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. We say there are three persons, not that there are three gods, but only One God. It is a mode of existence that is hard to visualize and one that is strange to us, but it will make sense for us to consider that since there is nothing in the universe quite like God, we cannot find a way to picture Him in our limited minds.

God created the universe, including man and woman, and designed everything in such a way so that His infinite perfection and beauty may be shown. God’s intention for mankind was for them to enjoy His perfection and beauty. This kind of enjoyment is called “worship”.

However, in the Garden of Eden, man was tempted to try to become God instead of fully depending upon Him. And so, by eating of the forbidden fruit, man disobeyed God and became enslaved to his own sin. To demonstrate His holiness and justice, God cursed the universe, and there has been death and suffering in the world ever since.

Because of sin, mankind became spiritually blinded and corrupt and could no longer find enjoyment in God’s glory; instead, man will hate and reject God for who He is. Although man could not find anything in the world that will truly satisfy his emptiness, he will continue to reject God because his sinful heart is hardened against God. As a result, man will also commit terrible acts of evil that oppose God’s holiness while he is alive.

The final destiny of such people is eternal separation from God and suffering of God’s wrath in hell. Such a judgment is fair because God is so infinitely great, that any sin against Him demands eternal wrath; this will only seem cruel to those who are blinded from seeing God’s immense greatness.

What does God do in response to such a condition? He does not simply let it be. Instead, professing love for the fallen world, God designed a way to redeem people from doom. God cannot simply ignore the sins against Him, because then He would not be holy and righteous, and it would show that His great, infinite perfection is not something honorable enough to fight for. Instead, God decides to provide a substitute to take the punishment. So, God the Father sends God the Son, Jesus Christ, whom He dearly loves and whom had always been with Him even before the beginning, to take the form of a human and live a sinless life and finally die a painful death on the cross, where He carried the sins of those who will be saved. Three days later, the Father raised Him from death.

Thus, when a person is saved and becomes one of God’s children, he or she is baptized into Christ’s death and resurrection, meaning that it’s almost as if we had died and come back to life like Christ had. This way, people are justified before God’s eyes, not because of anything good they’ve done, but because of what Christ had done and because their sins are punished when Christ was punished. It is in this “death and resurrection” of ours that we are given new life and a new heart. Because of this new heart, we may have true humility to confess our sins to the Lord, we are able to truly worship and enjoy God once again, and we may live a life that can reject sin.

This turning from away from sin and toward God is called repentance. Repentance is a sign that a person is truly saved, because it proves that he has a new heart and a new life. The doctrine of repentance is one that is frequently ignored and neglected in 21st century Christianity, because people want to be saved and go to heaven but do not want to obey and worship God. But according to the Bible, everyone who is God’s children will surely repent of his sins, and will ultimately give his life over to God’s control. A Christian will still be tempted and might sin at times, but will certainly gradually become more obedient to God's Word, and will strive to let God guide him every second of his life, even if it means that he will suffer enormously.

The Gospel reaches out to every person in the world, declaring itself to be the only truth and calling the world to repentance. The Gospel intends to restore mankind back to its original design and perfection, where the purpose of life is in God alone. And while offering a message of hope, it gives foundation to that hope by means of a warning that those who continue to neglect the truth will come before God on judgment day and will perish without Christ to atone for their sins.

The time is now; in the words of Christ, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near!"