I'm becoming more and more disciplined.
I'm not used to a lifestyle like this; I like more time for thought. But perhaps recent thoughts have become so secular and even painful that I would choose to stop thinking and focus all of my energy on the right things.
So, although my mind and body scream in protest against the newly introduced tight schedule, I press on, and hey, it ain't that bad.
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
(Romans 5:3-5)
This is a good change. It always felt uncomfortable to be loaded with so much work that my mind doesn't have time to wander, but I realize that it's because I trust my intellectual abilities so much.
But now I put more trust in the Word of God.
I suffer and struggle with many questions of what I ought to do. Suddenly, my life doesn't merely concern myself, but also the ultimate glory of God that demands worship from me and everyone around me. Suddenly, neglecting the unbelievers around me seems like such a great evil, in light of what God has done for me.
Suddenly, there is so much to do but so little time and so weak a vessel.
But first and foremost, my torch must be lit again by the beauty and greatness of He who is. I feel it has been snuffed out recently.
Then, I will go and set the city on fire.
* * * * *
GREATER THE BLESSING, GREATER THE BURDEN
Not much to elaborate concerning this, I guess.
I've been so blessed that it would be ridiculous if I don't suffer even more than the martyrs of ages past.
Which means I can't stay as wimpy as I now am.
Gotta get used to the scars, gotta get used to the scars...
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