Home Together

TO BE WHOLE

To be firm, to be mature, to be Yours.

Yes, my issue is with people. I've been attempting to drop the facade before my brothers and sisters in Christ, and I have been making progress. But when it comes to them, I have to play that role once again. I have to pretend. I have to set loose my old self to embrace them.

People. People, people, people.

Who am I? Who do I think I am?

I'm done. I'm finished. I've run out.

Here I surrender, and confess that I show disrespect toward God in that I scorn men, and cannot see His image imprinted on them. I just don't see it. Or perhaps it's simply that I don't believe it.

I'm too proud to be understanding, too proud to make myself vulnerable, too proud to think myself ordinary. Perhaps that's why the stage has such a powerful pull upon me; I think I'm extraordinary. Can't help it.

Because of my pride I also scorn the humble. Shamefully I admit, I realize I haven't recognized, in some deep, dark portions of my heart, that the Holy Spirit is God indeed. The work of the Holy Spirit is humble and invisible. It is gentle and comforting. He does not mean to cause me pain, but seeks to bring me joy, and grieves in my stead. He teaches me lessons that ensure I understand. In the lineup of the economic Trinity, He appears to be the manifestation of the quiet and vulnerable. And perhaps because of my twisted view of how a God should be, probably based upon my view of myself, I think I silently disagreed that this was essential to divine nature, and neglected the obedient work of the Spirit.

This is probably one of the root causes of why I'm unable to be gentle, unable to quit being a porcupine personality, always putting people down. It's amazing that I don't even have to speak to establish my superiority. My pride is so pervasive that it shows through my eyes. I hate that. I hate my old self. I wish he would just go away.

I pray it would go away. And I know it would. God help me get through this. I'm in pain.

Where is home? Does home matter to me? How can I learn to cherish those whom God put in the same home with me?

Or shall I seek a way to slip into an ivory tower, alone, for eternity?

By the power of the Holy Spirit, no!