As The Dust Settles

RECENT CONDITIONS

The haze blankets the Klang Valley, and I feel like I'm breathing death as I write.

Every morning the sun rises and it is quickly rid of. Every nightfall it slowly seeps back into the city.

Everything is shrouded in mystery. You don't know what's ahead of you, what to expect. And we huddle up to prepare for what lies beyond the veil of smoke. We gather and fortify ourselves, a little more each time we assemble. For we understand that after the dust settles, trials are coming our way. Serious tribulation.

Nearly a quarter of the year has passed. Yikes. Tick, tock, tick, tock.

In the wake of four Sunday school teachers deciding to leave the church, a transitional period took place. The implications were clear; there was a significant shift of influence in church politics, however inappropriate that sounds. Strike the shepherd, scatter the sheep.

But despite the withdrawal, the true Shepherd is still present to unite His sheep. "And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:20).

The brethren in KPC are meeting and having fellowship regularly, the brothers especially. It's good to start with the men. Around five or six of us are setting our eyes on the long run and beating our bodies into submission, taking up the discipline of reading Scripture and other material according to a certain schedule, so that we may be equipped and "prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you" (1 Peter 3:15), and also that we may "do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience" (1 Peter 3:16).

Tensions relax temporarily as Agape is taken by new advisers. But a quick buildup of tension is probable sometime soon, as the two fellowships have already been rather purged of members who cannot stand boring theological material, and there is prone to be incentives to restore them to their "former glory", especially in numbers; there will likely be attempts to achieve this through the remaining members, who currently seem too sober, for many reasons, to try to gain new members. We shall see as the meetings take place, I suppose.

Things have settled, also, for four of the young men. There was much uncertainty at first, but now it seems that they have come to terms with an acceptable compromise, switching to the English department, where teacher Chun Chung, who is arguably KPC's finest teacher as of this moment, is fighting his battle.

The young ladies in KPC do not seem to be doing well, generally. I have scarce information regarding them also. But no worries, for God is on the throne.

My personal transitional period has come to an end. I went to the Bandar Puteri church two days ago, the church where we said we would be settling for good (unless, of course, something of the same nature with what drove us there happens there). As I stepped into the church, my heart lifted in joy, for I knew that this would be where I would serve, where I would treat as home. At CDPC, I knew I wasn't there to stay for long, so there was no sentiment of the sort.

And I've completed my home school curriculum (at least, up to the grade where I planned to stop). I was a bit lost after that about what to do, but now I've come up with loads of things to do. The next two months for me is practically a theological seminary, with a bit of high school studies to prepare for my SAT. And it's funny how fixed my schedule is, compared to when I was actually studying a formal curriculum.

And on an even more personal note, I've come to accept certain resolutions to my ambitions and desires.

Firstly, it is confirmed that I will study history, unless anything suddenly convinces me to change my mind. It seemed so odd, so unorthodox to me at first that even I was a bit hesitant when it came to telling people about it. Not that studying history is unconventional, but studying it in preparation for making films is. Nobody plans this stuff up. But the idea of God being the ultimate storyteller stuck with me, and I realized, "Heck, I'm an artist. I shouldn't be afraid of being unconventional." And the more I look into it, the more I see how the two subjects go hand in hand.

Also, I've temporarily dropped my worries about how I'm going to start working as a filmmaker. There's simply no way to know, at this point. And it's a bit too far ahead of me for me to make a decision now. Sure, I'm assessing my options, but for now I can relax and study movies and aesthetics until the time is right. It is all in God's hands. Who knows, He might suddenly rid me of my lifelong dream and call me to full-time ministry.

Lastly, I've laid down my cares about marriage. I know it's stupid for a mere eighteen-year-old to worry about, but I really did worry about how courtship and stuff were supposed to work out, how exactly I should know if I am ready, and if a filmmaker would ever find a willing mate. To hell with those thoughts. But, easier said than done, which was why I took the time to meditate on what Scripture thinks of the topic, and listed down several important concepts. Now I feel remarkably at peace about it. Simply because I know I'm far from ready.

I've been learning tons of things in the past few days and weeks, probably much more than I can recall off the top of my head. God's grace is abundant.

Pastor Sam prophesied rightly; times like these really do drive you to mature very quickly, to become independent. The time has come to take what we've learned and hold fast to them. The comfort zone is no more; it's time to strive for adulthood.

Good night. Until the dawn breaks.