Letting

GOD IS GOD

Obviously, I'm just writing for the sake of writing. Simply because I haven't been writing in three weeks. Sure enough, I had more thoughts and events than just this, but I don't have the time to organize it yet.

Busy with being obsessed with a short film I'm going to make. Unhealthy obsession. Sorry. Trying to get back on track.

Again, I've noticed a malicious thought within the depths of my heart. It's not new, but it's still there, and this seems to be a fresh vision. I hope I'm not phrasing it the same way.

The sin is complaint. Murmuring. What's different this time is that I discovered it could even exist among my cries out to God for my personal holiness. I ask for good things. I ask for sanctification and deliverance from sin. Yet a lot of times it just doesn't feel right. Perhaps it just doesn't taste like those moments when I am assured that my prayers have went up to Him and all is perfect.

And I become curious as to why I can offer up such "selfless" prayers and still feel in want. Problem was it still wasn't selfless. All of the time, with no exception I can remember, that I would not feel comfortable in my prayers, it was because I'm concerned about some perfect version of me that I want God to grant. I wasn't asking for God's kingdom come, because then I would not feel uncertain about my prayers. I'd know that it will happen.

I will refer to two other notable writers.

First, C. S. Lewis. In The Screwtape Letters, there was apparently a method the demons used to deceive people, called "Christianity and-". Christianity and wealth. Christianity and social influence. Christianity and secular psychology. Christianity and fun. Christianity and me. The trick was to keep the believer from understanding the fullness of salvation in Christ, and getting him to add something else to the belief. It is very effective, because it seems so harmless. But the reality is that one then fails to understand how complete and assured our salvation is, and we are unable to say along with King David, "I shall not want." Truly, if you really, really, really think about it, our salvation and hope of God's coming kingdom should fill us with joy and purge us of our cheap worries and wants (Psalm 51:12).

Second, John Calvin. I can't quote him accurately, but he said something like this, that prayer is God's way of conforming our wills to His. How important it is for us to remember that. Prayer is to teach us to let go of the less important for the greater blessing.

And by God's grace, the greatest blessing is offered freely. Yet we run around so much for other stuff. How wonderful it is to forget all the cares of the world for a moment and realize that, in a way, everything's already perfect, locked in position for the immense glorification of the Lord, including my imperfect self.